As the pandemic rages on (ok so more like languishes about like your cousin as a house guest who just won’t go the hell away) we’ve all been asked to make some concessions and sacrifices. Some of those sacrifices may not seem like much to someone else, but to the one sacrificing it leaves behind a festering wound of disappointment. Though when I think about my 2020 experience, I realize it wouldn’t be us if there weren’t chaos and shenanigans afoot.
Let’s go back, shall we? Back to April 4, 1990… while standing in line to get into the Armory to see Alice Cooper, I encountered someone new to me but familiar to the group I hung with. He had the most lovely, silky long hair and these wonderfully sparkling blue eyes. He seemed arrogant but funny and almost charming. Though I paid him little mind much beyond that for most of the remainder of my evening. We were early enough to get good spots at this general admission show. I was right up front where I could see Alice well and noted the new guy was next to me.
About half-way through Alice Cooper’s set, someone did a stage dive. When security grabbed him, he grabbed me and pulled me partially over the railing trying not to be taken away. I slipped out of his grip but I was sore and continued on. As the show neared the end, I was getting really weak, short of breath, overheated, and almost stumbling, except that we were packed in there pretty tightly.
Then it happened. I started to lose consciousness in a space where that is highly contraindicated. This new guy noticed my apparent distress, elbowed some stranger in the face who was pressing up against me and kind if pinning me, causing him to lose his footing at his shocked possibly broken nose as the crowd carried him away. Then this new guy scooped me up, Bodyguard style, and handed me to a security guard. Which happened to be a friend, so I was safe.
I left the show in an ambulance and was later found to have 4 fractured ribs, among some other bruises and such. While I probably wouldn’t have died from my injuries, the new guy did some good saving that night. I was 15 at the time.
Fast forward through a bunch of stuff that we can get into another time and we land in 1995. At this time, I’m 20 years old. Dude and I had been BFFs for a few years and had been dating for about 2 years on top of that at the time. As we had lives outside of each other before we got together, we had a blended family. We were also very, very poor and our circumstances were absolutely Aaron Spelling TV-worthy. Melrose Place didn’t have a damned thing on us, that’s for sure.
In early 1995, Ken and I had a talk and kind of decided we’d get married at some point. There was no official proposal. We had no money and a bunch of kids and had to figure out how to do the best we could. Sure, there were dreams about the perfect wedding. It was supposed to be on the 4th of July and the kids were all supposed to take part. But life likes you to learn lessons abut the value of people and experiences, and we were not to have the big wedding we’d talked about.
Also in early 1995, I had been injured at work and terminated for following doctor’s guidance, rather than my boss. It ended up in a lawsuit, which I won. We paid back people that had helped keep us afloat while I was fighting, paid those bills that were behind, and used less than $500 to have a quick, small, practically secret wedding.
I didn’t have a ring, so Ken got me a lovely white gold band, and I got him a matching band. We decided to have it on Christmas Eve, because the boys would be with their mom for Christmas. It made everything easier. While trying to help is secure a venue, Ken’s mom, who worked at an elder care community at the time, was talking with the owner one day, noting the struggles of finding an affordable venue. The owner offered up the chapel on the grounds, and allowed us to use it at no cost.
The looks on the faces of all of the cute little old ladies as I walked through the facility in this big, poofy wedding dress made it even more worthwhile to hold it here. We couldn’t have our friends and full family with us, but I was able to bring smiles and joy to a number of strangers that day, which was an awesome bonus to it all. Seriously – those smiles were the absolute sweetest you can get from strangers.
I borrowed a dress, Ken rented a tux, and we got married at Marian Estates. That night, we stayed at a local Red Lion. It’s Salem – we don’t have anything big and fancy here. By the time we checked in, the kitchen staff were gone and room service was shut down. We did not think about this part of our wedding day. We’d not eaten anything other than cake all day and no restaurants were open. Because it was 1995 in Salem, Oregon on Christmas Eve. We really didn’t think it through!
We checked in, got situated, and decided to try to look for food. We walked to the AM/PM across the way to see what we could find. For our wedding dinner, we ended up having gas station burritos and fountain soda. But we were together and that’s what mattered so we were all good. All the fluff and fancy is nice, but not necessary. We did get room service for breakfast, so there was that.
Fast forward to December 24, 2020. We were supposed to renew our vows this year. We’d been saving for 4 years to take our kids on a cruise to the Bahamas and renew our vows. Then 2020 kicked its bullshit into high gear and we’re spending our 25th anniversary away from everyone, isolated at home due to a global pandemic. Really, could you expect any less for our story? I have to remember that all the fluff and fancy is nice, but not necessary. Then I tell myself to fuck off and be sad about it all I want. I’m a complicated whiner.
For this anniversary I gave Ken a print of what the night sky looked like, from our location, on the night we got married. He’s quite fond of the stars and he loved it. There may or may not have been some shiny eyes going on.
He gave me a pair of earrings, which I was happy with. I like sparkle and bling and immediately put them on. As we wandered into the kitchen to get some wine, he stopped suddenly. He was nervous and sweaty and acting oddly. He turned to me and said that he really should have done this long ago. Then he got down on one knee and asked me if I would marry him – again. In his hands was a diamond solitaire engagement ring, sitting in a little black velvet box. Of course I accepted.
Ken picked out the solitaire and I was to choose an enhancer. Though he did tell me I could exchange the ring for another one if I wanted to. I found a lovely diamond and sapphire enhancer that I love. The sapphires are to represent Ken, as if the ring doesn’t do it well enough on its own. When I was shopping for bridal jewelry for our renewals, I wanted something with sapphire for my love. So I’m pretty stoked! It’s been sent out to be sized, so I don’t get it until after the first of the year. That part is lame.
I learned that Ken has been squirreling money away for YEARS. $5 here, $20 there. He’d keep it locked away and I knew nothing about it. He knew he wanted to get me a ring for our 25th, but he didn’t know what or how much or what things would even look like for our 25th. He started saving when he worked at Karsten’s, which was like 15 years ago. When I think about how he planned something at least 10 years in advance, I am overcome with emotion. He doesn’t plan things, and certainly not that far in advance. Also, sometimes things could be hard for me back then. I was difficult and I was sure he’d leave after becoming too tired to put up with my shit. But instead of planning his escape, he was planning on keeping me and “making up” for something I had no idea he felt he needed to make up for.
I don’t know how I got to be so lucky. I have terribly low self-esteem and I had previously dealt with depression and anxiety. I still deal with anxiety, but the depression has been in remission for a number of years now. He takes care of me. I’m pretty sure I’d have died seven times over by now if he hadn’t been here with me. I’m very clumsy and I have a delicate immune system.
He is my love and my life. I can’t imagine my world without him, and if I try it fucks me up. I feel safe in his arms. I feel valued in his world. I feel loved completely and absolutely. And when this pandemic is over, I’m going to take my husband and my new ring and my kids and we’re going to the Bahamas to renew our vows!
It is the way.
Why is Life Like That, Why am I Like That? 