Woohoo, Witchy Woman

I’ve been pretty open about my faith for a couple of decades now, though what and how I practice has morphed over time.  As such, it’s not uncommon for me to get questions about it.  Over the course of the pandemic, I’ve had an unusually high number of people reach out to me with questions related to witchcraft and paganism. I am honored and humbled that someone trusts me enough to help educate them on such a personal and sometimes delicate topic.

I would like to preface this next part by noting that the information provided is from my personal perspective, past experiences, individual study, group study, and the growth and change in my faith and practices over time. I am no expert. I do not know everything and I don’t pretend to. I have customized my faith to my needs. Your needs may be quite different from mine. Please do not consider me to be an expert or final say on all things witchy – truly. I don’t know shit. I know a little bit about a lot of things, and there are a very few things that I know a lot about. I’m a basic witch, and I’m cool with that.

I am primarily a solitary practitioner, but I have been part of a few covens over the years. While my coven experiences were positive over all, there were experiences that I didn’t enjoy but which taught me some valuable lessons.  I’ve completed a “formal” Year and a Day coursework and I have a number of Pagan friends of all varieties.

Because of my life experiences, I’ve made the deliberate decision that I will not teach, share, mentor, or educate anyone on paganism until they first develop a more-than-superficial understanding of cults.  More specifically, I strongly encourage those new to or researching paganism, witchcraft, shamanism, or any other “fringe” (I know, it’s incredibly disrespectful and I apologize – I want to use plain language here and this topic is far too important to be bogged down in semantics) to study how to identify a cult, how to recognize an unsafe leader or group, and how to recognize when you’ve connected with a safe leader or group. I’m happy to give you some “basics” but I would strongly, strongly, strongly, encourage further independent study. Did I mention it’s strongly recommended?

And now… without further ado…

It can be fairly easy for those adept and with ill intent to locate a pool of victims from those examining their own faith.  There are other factors as well, but I’m focusing on the faith-based aspect for this diddy. Even intelligent people with reasonable critical thinking skills can be taken advantage of when it comes to faith. (I personally think we should get to taze those people that take advantage of others, right in their stupid predatory faces, but apparently I’m unreasonably and unnecessarily violent in this thought.)

I think most people have at least a basic understanding of cults. We tend to recognize those extreme behaviors, but those behaviors can sometimes appear slowly over time and we may not always recognize them right away.  After all, predators aren’t successful if they show their monster face right away, right?

Here is a list of behaviors and activities to be wary of, when looking for others with whom you can engage and learn about witchcraft and paganism. Because predators evolve over time, this list is not meant to be all-inclusive.  There are behaviors, activities, quirks, and red flags I have not mentioned. There’s certainly more our there than I’m aware of. That said, there are some significant potentially red flag behaviors that you should make yourself aware of before you head down the path of learning pagan faiths.  

• Charismatic Leadership: There is a leader, usually a single person but occasionally a shared role, who makes all final decisions for the group. They can do so successfully because they have maxed out their charisma and victims don’t recognize it – often times victims want to give the benefit of the doubt, and predators are counting on that kindness to get what they want.
• Negative Reviews of All Prior Members: Typically within a cult, when a member leaves, defects, escapes, etc., the active group members often only speak negatively about prior members. Yes, fallouts and severed relationships happen as part of life., but if your group doesn’t EVER speak positively of any former member and ONLY speaks negatively about them, this is a red flag.
• Elitist Behavior: If your group expresses superiority over another group or sub-set of people and or they call for any harm to come to other groups, then it’s likely problematic. (read: You’re likely hanging out with a bunch of racists, bigoted, shit-humans)  
• Indoctrination: If you are expected to adopt or adhere to a specific set of beliefs, leaving no room for independent thought or individualism, then you may be dealing with a cult. I realize that there is sometimes a very fine line between acceptable religious indoctrination and victimizing indoctrination and this can be a confusing area. The confusing areas tend to be the more dangerous areas.
• Isolation: If the group or leadership requires group members to abandon family, jobs, hobbies, friends, and loved ones that do not follow this same path/group, that’s a red flag. I’d love to say this should never happen, but I’ve met people with extremely toxic and dangerous family members and there could be legitimate reasons for someone to ask for or even hope for a separation for their sake. But if your relationships are fine and you’re asked to abandon them, then it may necessitate a closer look at the motivation of the requirement here.
• Financial Control: Again, there’s a fine line between appropriate tithing practices and taking advantage of someone’s finances. Many people tithe to their group as a way of giving back or helping those within their specific community who need it. Those kind-hearted souls are prime targets for victimizers and predators. Financial control can take a long period of time, moving so slowly that the victim simply doesn’t notice what’s happening.
• Permissions or Approval Controls: If you are required to obtain approval for anything or everything from your leadership, you may be in a cult. This permission could relate to something as mundane as visiting your local library to getting approval on whether or not you can marry someone. There are varying degrees of control and it can be easy for predators to take advantage.
• Sexual Contact: It’s most likely, almost always, problematic if the group tenants include required or recommended sexual or sexualized contact with anyone! There is a difference between informed consent between adults and other inappropriate contact.  This is NEVER acceptable if the one providing sexual/sexualized favors or exhibits sexual/sexualized behavior is a MINOR – CHILD – NOT A LEGALLY CONSENTING ADULT! If you ever encounter a group that requires sexualized activity or contact with minors, call the police immediately.
• Substance Use: If your group requires or highly recommends use of drugs or alcohol for any purpose, it is likely problematic and a cause for concern.  This of course does not pertain to known practices of indigenous peoples and possibly other “viable” reasons. (Again, I realize this is potentially disrespectful but I’m working toward simple understanding that most people can grasp because this knowledge is, in my personal opinion, vital to anyone new to or unfamiliar with these types of matters or paths.)
• Double Standards: Often within a cult, particularly an established one, there is a different set of rules and expectations between the leader/leadership and the “everyday parishioner”. Often times this allows the leader/leadership to engage in typical everyday activity whereas members are severely restricted in or even punished for their contacts and activities.    
• Paranoia: The group as a whole demonstrates extreme paranoia – particularly of “the outside world” – whether locally contained, nation-wide or global. Outsiders are seen as the enemy and as a threat to the longevity and safety of the group.
• Conformity: There is an expectation that members must behave, dress, act, etc. in the same manner as all other member (possibly excluding leadership or by some defined rank system within the group). Uniformity is desired. They prefer the “cookie cutter” approach to existence for their followers.
• Group Think: If your group is starting to resemble a synchronized anything team, you may be involved with a cult.  One should always be cautious when engaging with a person or group that suppresses individuality, curiosity, questions, or has problems with any deviation from the status quo.     
• Threats: If threats are made against a member for expressing curiosity, asking questions, not following rules, or any other activity or behavior, then you may be involved with a cult. Recognize that there are faiths which require specific behavior or have certain behavioral expectations, but threats of severe retribution should probably be examined more closely.
• Dictates and Mandates: If your group dictates or mandates how you feel or behave, you might be dealing with a cult and closer inspection is recommended.
• Shame or Punishment: If the result of questioning, failing to behave as the group dictates, expressing curiosity, or demonstrating growth are met with suspicion, you may be involved in a cult. Humans are a curious lot by nature and it’s not normal or usual for someone to be punished simply for seeking knowledge.
• Other: Other actions, requirements, or behaviors that raise red flags include things such as gas lighting, lying, exploitation, lack of ethical decision making capacity, hiding financial information of the group, threatening members who want to leave, try to leave, or succeed in leaving the group, requiring engagement in illegal activities, expected to worship and adore the leader or leadership, and censorship of materials to which the group has access.

Well that was a depressing and terrifying list.  Let’s try looking at the signs of a potentially safe group with potentially safe leadership.  Safety can relate to physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual safety.  These attribute in and of themselves are certainly no guarantee of your safety. Humans can be tricky and successful predators are conniving assholes.  Never trust unconditionally. Seriously, trust no one. Don’t even trust me whole-heartedly. Your safety and well-being are far more important than any stupid ego (even my own) and I believe that should be the sentiment expressed by any and every educator or mentor in the spiritual or faith-based realms.  

• Curiosity is appreciated: Safe leaders don’t discourage questions and they answer the questions you have. You should never be punished for curiosity. The best leaders encourage questions and independent thought.
• Outside interests: Safe leaders aren’t threatened by and they even encourage you to have outside relationships and interests. They do not expect that your entire life is the group.
• Follow Through: Safe leaders demonstrate that they say what they mean and they mean what they say. They honor their commitments and keep their promises. If something unexpected occurs to impact those expectations, a safe leader is openly communicative and honest about the situation.
• Equality, Equity and Inclusion: Safe groups may have an established hierarchy, but ultimately all members are considered equal, no matter their role or time with the group.  Safe leaders make earnest attempts at creating an equitable and inclusive environment for the members. Safe leaders provide members an opportunity to share thoughts and to be part of the process, system, group, or team.
• Visibility: Whereas corrupt groups often hide financial information, safe groups provide visibility into their membership and resources. They don’t try to hide information or prevent members from knowing what’s happening in their group.
• Validation: Safe leaders will provide you validation, when appropriate. Certainly not every moment is accepted by all, but where it counts safe leaders acknowledge you and your circumstances; they acknowledge your needs, and your feelings. They may not agree with you in all or even in any areas, but they understand you’re a human being with complex emotions, thoughts, and desires – and that’s perfectly, wonderfully normal and okay.
• Misc.: Other behaviors that may be indicative of a safe group, leader, or leadership include admitting that leaders don’t have all the answers, they truly listen to you, they encourage growth, they provide grace and patience, they give you space and respect your privacy, and they have open communication.

Now that you’re equipped with this initial, basic knowledge, I would suggest additional independent study. Your safety is important and arguably one can’t go overboard when their personal safety is on the line.

If you would like to continue on the path of learning, I do have recommendations on texts and I have contacts that I trust to safely educate others.  I am still far to lost in my own grieving process to be a reliable resource right now, but your growth and spiritual happiness are important and I can put you in touch with one whom I trust to be an honest and safe resource for you.

Thank you for letting me ramble and force feed you safety information. I know it’s weird and I don’t mean to be disrespectful – truly – but I will do what I can to try to keep others safe. I will apologize for being obnoxious and annoying, but I don’t and never will apologize for loving you and wanting you to be safe.

Brightest Blessings, my dears. Please take care and know you are loved and appreciated.