adorkablediana

And It’s mine, this pain in my heart is all mine

Ten years ago today, everything changed. Ten years ago today, I was struggling with an unhealthy work environment. I’d been trying to make it work for nearly 4 years, and was failing miserably. I cried every single day in the parking lot before starting my work day. Ten years ago today, I lay crying inContinue reading “And It’s mine, this pain in my heart is all mine”

Dark clouds, hard times, bad weather, Please don’t make this last forever

Today I got the news that you’re gone. I wasn’t sure I understood it correctly. When I got the message, I was hoping with all that I am, that she would tell me it was the puppy that passed. I know it sounds cruel, but I wanted it to be the puppy. I could copeContinue reading “Dark clouds, hard times, bad weather, Please don’t make this last forever”

Too much time on my hands – I’ve got you on my mind

My feels have taken control and I need to get it all out before it eats me alive. As much as I dislike facing my sadness and grief, I’ve come to realize that I have to accept it, give it space to exist, and to hope that I’m strong enough to process all these intenseContinue reading “Too much time on my hands – I’ve got you on my mind”

Outlaws and Outsiders

So, quite clearly I’m terrible about writing for my processing. Partly because I’m lazy and mostly because, even though I created this space for me to process my life experiences, I’ve been avoiding that which does not spark joy in me. In hindsight, this was probably not the most thought-out strategy. At least that’s whatContinue reading “Outlaws and Outsiders”

Woohoo, Witchy Woman

I’ve been pretty open about my faith for a couple of decades now, though what and how I practice has morphed over time. As such, it’s not uncommon for me to get questions about it. Over the course of the pandemic, I’ve had an unusually high number of people reach out to me with questionsContinue reading “Woohoo, Witchy Woman”

I’m not sure if I should say this, fuck I’ll say it anyway

It’s been three weeks. I’m still struggling. I get so irrationally angry so quickly right now. I’m having what should be amazing experiences in my life and my career, that I can’t even celebrate because being happy when I’m still so sad is the most wicked torment I’ve experienced. Things I’ve been working toward forContinue reading “I’m not sure if I should say this, fuck I’ll say it anyway”

All You Get to Keep is All You Shared

It’s been two weeks and I just want this fucking ride to stop. The speed with which I flit from emotion to emotion is exhaustingly excessive. Add my natural-born ADHD, and I can’t calm my mind long enough to process jack shit. Music helps to keep everything from exploding, but I can’t think it through.Continue reading “All You Get to Keep is All You Shared”

In Memoriam

It’s been 5 days. On Monday we went to the funeral home. As expected, I deployed my defenses – inappropriate comments and dark humor. The funeral home person was trying to help with starting an obituary. She said sometimes it’s easier for families if they answer some standard questions and build a draft obit. ThisContinue reading “In Memoriam”

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Last night at 10:40 PM, my sister’s decades-long war with severe alcoholism has ended. The disease ravaged her viciously and completely and has left a trail of broken hearts in its wake. She’s finally at peace and we have to figure out how to carry on. #FuckAddiction

Alcoholism & Addiction Can F*ck Off

First and foremost, please be advised that this post could be a trigger for anyone dealing with alcoholism, addiction, loss, grief, end if life care, and death. Do not allow morbid curiosity to place you in a space where you’re harming yourself. You can always come back and learn later. Take care of yourself. Also,Continue reading “Alcoholism & Addiction Can F*ck Off”